Mordant Ballyhoo

Yes, it is a leap year, and for the past three Earth orbits, we have accumulated an extra six hours totalling eighteen.  This year, that final six has resulted in an extra day.  It is a whole other day that we would not have had if the Aztec calendar were in place.  Thank heavens.  So, with an extra day on my hands, I struggled to make the most of my windfall.

I woke late.  I usually wake early, but for some reason, probably psychological, I rose late at nearly 11 am.  I fed myself a smoothie and a hardboiled egg, some chai and did the crossword and sudoku.  I ran six miles, did 200 crunches and push-ups, and prepared chili for dinner.  I showered, did some banking, read like a motherfucker, watched the lakers lose, and am now sitting at my laptop writing this blog entry.  Not very exciting for a whole extra day in the life.  Here is what I would have done if I were an adventurous gadabout:

1.  Written a letter to my grandmother (I miss her).

2.  Dropped acid (I mean, come on, an extra day that doesn’t even count?).

3.  Called my friend Justin, whose birthday was on the 28th (phew, almost missed that one!).

4.  Started a rock garden (I just saw Karate Kid again last night.  Brilliance!).

5.  Kept traveling around the world to be suspended in “no-time” (expensive).

6.  Fought the law and won.

7.  Had Hamburger Helper (I’ve never had it!).

8.  Fixed the Time-Flux-Capacitor.

9.  Written my pen pal in Rangoon (Poor Tumansuquet!).

10.  Fielded questions about steroid use.

Well, there’s always next Leap Year.

I am not usually one for politics, but I have been having funny dreams lately, so here goes:

10.  It would make Hillary really, really mad, and I don’t think she is capable of happiness.

9.  4 out of 5 doctors agree

8.  He has tremendous oral hygene.

7.  John McCain was seen wearing a Manchester United jersey (which is a sign of the devil).

6.  I would remain the black sheep in my family (no pun).

5.  Brett fucking Williams!

4.  It will finally send Dick Cheney spiralling into some nefarious region of oblivion (not quite killing him, mind you, but almost like putting him in that glass window, like Superman 2).

3.  To redeem myself for at one time supporting and buying records from Scritti Politti.

2.  The Hypno Toad.

1.  Because his name is onomatopoeia for passing gas (along with Braaap, Briiip, and booooop). 

1. I fell, hitting my head, severely imparing my judgement
2. I was forced to do so (torture via kd lang’s newest album, played repeatedly over high volume).
3. My meter was almost out, and I was borrowing my mom’s car.
4. It was a dying wish of someone close to me.
5. Hillary turned out to be a man.
6. Obama quit smoking.
7. It earned me “free buffet” points.
8. Parkas were on clearance in Hell.
9. It was either that, or gallons of castor oil.
10. I am a McCain, for fucksake. Think of the possible sexual encounters. Then again, I am voting Democrat, because any girl that was a Republican that was interested in fucking probably looks like this:

This post-Columbia University ensemble has quite a bit going for them at the moment.  With a sound not unlike an olla podrida of The Talking Heads, Paul Simon and The Kinks, Vampire Weekend’s eponymous release is full of plump goodness. 

The band is rooted in the rythyms of western Africa and the Carribbean.  They combine the beat with soulful lyrics and adventurous guitar making for an upbeat, pleasant sound.  I for one, will worship any band that waxes lyrically about punctuation.  Many of you may have heard the single “Mansard Roof” playing on stations like LA’s Indie 103.1, and the rest of the album is just as good, if not better.  The aforementioned “Oxford Comma” is an interesting postmodern look at a little dash we have all taken for granted.  Poor little thing.  “Campus” brings us back to our college days, when everything was difficult and confusing, much like Pinochle or Thomas Pynchon.  Give me ham and eggs, baby!

As a whole, the album hits all the right chords.  The sound is fresh and catchy, the lyrics witty and insightful.  The only shortcoming is that the songs are short in duration.  Perhaps like vampires, they leave us always wanting more.